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If only I had wings . . . by invisible @ NuTang.com
Eight Years
Wednesday. 11.4.15 10:19 pm
This is going to sound really pathetic but, it's been over 6 months. I haven't been single for this long in 8 years. It's an odd feeling. I miss cooking dinner almost every evening for my family. I miss sleeping next to someone at night. I miss the delusion of thinking someone really cared about me and loved me. Although these relationships were dysfunctional, there are aspects from each one that I miss.

However, living the single life isn't so bad. I don't have to take care of anyone but my babies. I'm not walking on eggshells and trying to make someone happy.

In the beginning of summer I gave online dating a try. The first date I went on was awful and very akaward. The guy obviously had anger issues and was very distant with his family. NO thank you! There were a couple of guys I met that a liked but, in the end it never went well. One I spoke to for a while and I thought we hit it off. We hung out a few times and I everything was going well. But, he started bailing every time we'd make plans to hang out. He had a "roommate", who I was starting to get suspicious was more that and then he just dropped off the face of the earth. The other... he turned out to be quite an ass. He told me he really like me and blah blah.. That turned into he just wanted a fuck buddy and apparently I was the perfect candidate! Lucky me.... I told him I wasn't his girl and walked away. He wasn't happy with my response and apologized and still wanted to be friends. Yeah.. No.. I've also met some guys that are pretty cool and we currently remain in contact as friends. I continued talking to people online for friendly conversation and met a few over time simply wanting friendship.

Then, I met this one guy... I had no intention of anything more than friends. We had been talking for a while and decided to meet in person. I had absolutely no expectations from this guy what so ever. When we met I felt a connection with him. One that still freaks me out a bit. We've been talking/getting to know each other/dating/whatever for a few weeks now and I've come to the realization that I really like him... I'm torn between bailing and saving myself or saying fuck it and walking right into what is probably another trail of tears. My past experiences are telling me to run and get out now. I almost always get hurt. End of story. On the flip side, a part of me wants to hold on. The biggest reason I'm still standing in the middle of all this and not running is because I want this connection to be something more. When we're together it feels natural. I've never once felt akaward or out of place when I'm with him. I know I am more than likely going to happily skip right into this situation only to be tripped and fall face first into the ground... I don't know which way to go with this. I connected and then allowed myself to get romantically involved at a rapid pace. I wasn't thinking clearly. So, now what? Only time will tell...

Here I come ground
Face first

I hope this guy breaks the pattern for you and ends up being a keeper.
» randomjunk on 2015-11-07 01:32:44

aww!! i didn't know the link is only available for certain country!

hmm... what does ur heart really tells u? did ur heart say go on with the guy or stay away? why not give urself another chance? i read somewhere that there r times things didnt happen like in a relationship because we r meant for greater things... just dont give up on urself. whatever happened in the past is the past.

wish u all the best!

» renaye on 2015-11-10 09:05:43

Here's hoping everything works out good for you regardless on how things go well or not, I hope all will be well!
» CPKviperpheonix on 2015-11-29 01:37:43

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