I was born and raised here in this little town in Central Florida. I've watched it grow from dirt roads to a city on it's own. I went to the same high school as my father! Could it get any more redneck? Everything I've ever known is here in this little town. I close my eyes and can still see the simplicities it use to be.

Now, every day a little part of my inner child fades away as a ditach myself from the only life I've ever known. The little things I've never noticed are so incredibly vivid, and new paintings form into the written images I hold close to the back of my mind. Everything Is almost a dream.. nothing is real anymore. With the new images that fill my mind I'm preparing myself for the biggest change of my young life.

Negativity is the only reality I have to keep me warm at night.. and I begin to find myself slipping back into the simple complications that have haunted me all these year. In my own sick, twisted way I find comfort in this state of mind. It protects me from the paintings people are forcing into my mind. However, I refuse to see their words... I hide where they cannot find me.. they can't break my spirit.. they never will. I count down the endless days that lead me closer to my true happiness. Where I can start my new life in a new place. New faces and new places will entertain me for the temporary reality I have created for myself. I know this won't last.. and I will see the true extent of my decisions.

I'm scared... I need you. This isn't going to be easy for either of us.. but I love you, and I'm willing to leave my childhood behind and start my life. I need this push to get by. I won't be young forever, and I know if I stay here I will never let go. I have too many written images collecting dust on my book shelves and my very own mind. I need to brush them off and put them into safe keeping for a long time. Only then will I have room for the opportunities that lie ahead. Room for the life I've dreamed of living. I can't wait to see you. Senarios continue to fill my mind. Each one different from the first... replaying over and over what will happen when we are together again.

I can't wait to be back in your arms.. Only then will I truely know I'm making the best dicision for me. For us. I love you.. and no one person or thing will ever change that.

Good-bye childhood...
Hello happiness.

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Is it not enough? What else do you need? Tell me please and I'll do the best I can to make everything right. Just don't leave... please. I know I can go with you.. and I know we can start over in a new place. But, I don't know if I could pull through with it.

I've worked so hard to try and pull everything together. And now another friend has pitched in and found a house. You have a great job... and you're about to get a raise. You have friends here and people that care about you. Not to mention I know they're kids at work that look up to you. If things don't work out you can leave.. Just stay and try.. please..


Try for me..

I love you

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So...

Things have been picking up. Meeting new people.. New realtionship.. It's all been fun.. I'm rarely home. I leave in the late morning and come back when everyones asleep. I've just been out with friends having a good time where ever we end up. I broke up with Tim a couple weeks ago. Things just weren't working out.. it wasn't ment to be... It's a sad story.. shitty situation.. but everythings getting better now.

I went to get an ultra sound on my uterus.. They discovered my eggs are all... retarded... I'm dreading the thought of not being able to have kids. My overies are swelling and I'm constantly getting random sharp pains.. Things aren't to great in that department.. but what can I do in a situation like this? Just sit and wait.

I got the 1st gadasil shot out of 3. Those vaccines for cervical cancer.. Wow.. they hurt like a bitch. It's not the shot... you can poke me with needles, I don't care. It's the sudden burst of pain as the medication is ever so slowly being injected into your arm. It feels like someone punched you with all their might. There pressure as tho someone it sqeezing your muscle tissue from the inside. This leads to sorness and a weird.. tingly sensation. Wow... That sounds kinda dirty...

Anyway.. This is just another random update. I'm going on a date tomorrow XD! This is the "new relationship" part of things getting better. I'm happy with the way things are going right now. I just hope it doesn't screw up.. But I have a feeling it will. =(

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Midnight.

The day is brand new, and im standing in the middle of the road staring at my friend in handcuffs. What a way to officially start the day! They put him in the car, ran some info on other friends involved.. and I just stood there dumbfounded. I was in the wrong place at the right time... everyone leaves... it really happend.. hes going to jail for the stupidest reason and theres nothing I can do about it. I make it home in quite and emotional state. I sit is the drive way trying to collect myself..

He told me to keep his phone.. and it begins to ring in the passenger seat. It's his step father saying his mother can get the money to bail him out, but no way to get it to him.. I was asked to do it, I was their only hope. I was a useless friend that was worried sick that suddenly became the only hope to get him out as soon as possible.

I stayed up all night.. no sleep.. I didn't give up, i'll do whatever it takes to get him out. I stayed at the county jail running back and fourth trying to find a way. waiting impaciently.. and yet I still left. 6am, over six hours after this war began.. and i need to sleep. The money was in it would just take a couple hours to discharge him. I go to his house and crash in his room, only to wake up to his voice over the phone. His mother offers to get him and I once again try to sleep... only to wake up to his voice shortly after when he arrives home.

The day went well. Fun times, fun friends, funny jokes.. all after a shitty situation.

Go to work at 5pm.. get off early at 8:10pm.

It's all good till I come to anothers house. another arguement... what a suprise...

I leave and go back to his house where hes sleeping. but our friend that lives with him is awake. He makes me smile and cheers me up. I ended the night laughing with a friend ^.^ It was nice. No.. it was amazing.

Then.. 11:59pm. I stare at the digital clock remenicing on everything that happened today. It'll all be over in less than a minute. The clock strickes 12am and I have a sudden wave overcome me. The comforting recognition that it is officially a new day.
Midnight.
Yesterday is now nothing but a memory...
Life goes on.

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So... It's summer! I think it's time for an update!!!!


My family life is.. meh. The sister moved out and lives with 3 other friends about 15 minutes away. Nothing to big with the parents. Mom still acts the same. Dad has backed off a bit. Things have been ok.

My friends are... gone! ha ha. Well.. most of them are. I don't associate with many of them anymore. and I really couldn't care less. Yes, I will miss the good times with certain people which were once the ones that held my life together. But times change... we all move on. I've been hangin out with others that I never really thought I'd be sitting around with in varied places have an amazing time. Things are pretty fun. Late nights, well.. every night lol. Things have been fun with new and old friends.

School has been out for a few weeks now.. It's weird to think it's over... No more school. No more waking up ealy every morning to go to "hell". We'd all rather be sleeping, getting high, or at the beach with friends. Whatever your choice of entertainment was.. you'd much rather be doing. Now, I look back and think of all the things I did. Would I change anything? Maybe my freshman year I would have stepped it up a bit. But, skipping with friends, sneaking around.. I wouldn't change for the world. College is just around the corner.. but for now I'll enjoy summer.

My love life has been... amazing? I'm not sure if that's the right word. Seems a bit of an understatement. But yeah, you get it. Tim and have been together for... (thinks) I think 2 months today lol. Not long at all.. However, we've grown close in such a short time ^.^ I'm not saying "he's the one". Theres just something about him. I think this is going to be a long happy relationship. I can't wait to see what the future brings.

My life set aside from everything has been good. I've been much happier and my mind is seeming to agree with things and settling down a bit. Every once in a while I'll act up and things will seem a bit chaotic.. but I've kept it to myself rather well. Life is good. I'm a bit confused and a little scared about failing in life and becoming nothing like my parents said... I just hope I can prove them wrong. Thats the one thing that's kinda been bummin' me out. But, I try not to think about it. Life is good. No.. it's great :)

Work has been a mess. Fatboy's is screwing me over.. and I need to find a new job. don't get many hours at the field.. which is kinda killing me.... but I might talk to my boss about getting more hours. Hopefully I can find a job to take the place of fatboys. I was hoping I'd stay around food and beverage.. but I might have to venture out a bit and look for any job. I'll see what happens. I'm blessed to have to jobs as it is.. I just hope things are ok.. I'm kinda broke >.<


I think thats it. I'll randomly update again soon.

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Life is good.

No...


It's amazing

So this week is the last week of highschool for me.. and i already screwed it up! lol. I was caught using my cell phone and now have in school suspension tomorrow and Saturday school the day before my graduation ceremony. LOL! Only I would screw things up. Gotta go with a bang!

[Saturday school is where you have to show up at school at 7:50 am and remain there for 2 hours picking up trash around the school. I've never done it before.. so I don't quite know how it works... but meh... I'd might as well get in trouble the last moment lol.]

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So... I have two jobs now XD


I currently still work at the fatboys located in Kissimme NOT St. Cloud.. and now I'm back at the field. The land that was used for the old paintball field is currently renivated by a new company. My boyfriend has been working there for a little while now.. and whe would mention me working at the old field. They were excited to hear about a female ref and contacted me for an interview. I talking to the head ref and he says I'm on!! XD! The only thing that sucks is they're only open on the weekends and I work Saturday morning/afternoon at Fatboys. SO! I'm trying to work something out with management about my schedule for both jobs. I start at the field tomorrow! I'm so excited. I just hope it works out having two jobs. I mean A girl that worked at fatboys had THREE jobs and was just fine. One of them being Disney World, and they're scheduling is crazy...

The past two weeks have been the best. Last week My chorus went to NYC and sang in Carnegie Hall!!! it was a once in a lifetime experience and I wouldn't change it for Hawaii or China. This week I was in Daytona Beach for Our choral state compatition thing.. And 5 of the 6 chiors I'm in got straight superiors!!! Womens pop [a show chior] didn't do so well.... But it was AMAZING!

But right now I have a pile of make-up work to do and don't have much time to talk.. its 9:43 and I have to be at work a 2pm where I'll stay till probably 9pm. The I have to be at the field tomorrw at 9am and will remain there till about 6pm .

Woot! I'm not sleeping for the next 48 hours! >.<

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GOOD NEWS!!!! - 1. WERE GOING TO STATE!!! Every choir made straight superiors and we will be attending State competition. 2. My tax return should be coming in soon. I'm getting over $300 back! [Note: I am an 18 year old highschool student.. that's a lot of money to me!! lol]


Hm... other that that things have been pretty much the same.
That's about it for now..

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